Relationship anxiety - the push and pull to closeness

You want connection — but something gets in the way

You may know this experience well:

You meet someone. You feel drawn to them and you want to be close.

And then — slowly or suddenly — anxiety begins to rise.

Not because anything is “wrong,” but because something inside you becomes alert.

You might start to:

• worry about what they’re thinking

• replay conversations

• fear you’ve said too much

• feel responsible for their feelings

• imagine them pulling away

• question whether you’re “too much” or “not enough”

• monitor every shift in tone, expression, or silence

It’s exhausting.

And it’s lonely — because on the outside, it can look like you’re simply “overthinking.”

But inside, it feels like your whole sense of safety is on the line.

Relationship anxiety has a story

It doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It often begins in the places where you first learned:

• how love felt

• how attention was given or withheld

• how conflict was handled

• how you were comforted — or not

• how predictable or unpredictable others were

• how safe it was to express your needs

Relationship anxiety can lead us to question our attachment types. You may find my blog on attachment types helpful.

Relationship anxiety is not a flaw.

It’s a response — shaped by experiences that taught your nervous system to stay alert.

How I work with relationship anxiety

My approach is psychodynamic, which means we explore the deeper layers of your relational world — not just the symptoms.

Together, we will gently look at:

• the fears that rise when you get close to someone

• the parts of you that expect rejection or withdrawal

• the strategies you use to stay connected (even when they cost you)

• the moments where you lose yourself in relationships

• the internal stories that shape how you love and how you protect yourself

This is not about “fixing” your anxiety.

It’s about understanding it — and understanding you.

When the roots become clearer, the patterns begin to soften.

What begins to change

Clients often describe subtle but meaningful shifts:

• feeling less overwhelmed by uncertainty

• trusting their own perceptions more

• noticing red flags earlier

• expressing needs without fear

• choosing partners who feel safer

• feeling less responsible for others’ emotions

• experiencing closeness without panic

• developing a steadier sense of self

These changes don’t happen overnight. But they do happen — slowly, steadily, and with care.

The therapeutic relationship matters

In this work, the space between us becomes part of the healing.

You may notice:

• moments of closeness

• moments of distance

• moments of worry

• moments of relief

We pay attention to these gently — not to analyse you, but to understand what your mind has learned to expect from others.

Therapy becomes a place where those expectations can be explored, felt, and slowly reshaped.

Why online therapy can help

Working remotely can make relationship anxiety work feel safer:

• you’re in your own environment

• you can regulate the space around you

• there’s less pressure than an in‑person room

• it supports pacing, reflection, and emotional grounding

For many clients, online therapy becomes a place where they can finally speak openly about the fears they’ve carried for years.